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One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the nuances, posting them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not all people likes being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private filmmaker, but friends help each other in small ways. I thought recording a short video here or there would be enjoyable for her. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some real memories, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?