Previous English skipper Lewis Moody has disclosed he has been diagnosed with motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet deal with the full consequences of the muscle-degenerating condition that claimed the lives of other rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old, who was involved in the 2003 championship side and won multiple English and European titles with Leicester, gave an interview to BBC Breakfast a fortnight after learning he has the disease.
"There's a certain facing the future and being reluctant to really process that at the minute," he said.
"It's not that I am unaware of where it's heading. We understand that. But there is certainly a hesitation to look the future in the face for now."
Moody, speaking together with his wife Annie, says instead he feels "at ease" as he concentrates on his present welfare, his family and planning ahead for when the disease progresses.
"Maybe that's trauma or possibly I deal with matters differently, and after I have the facts, it's simpler," he continued.
Initial Symptoms
Moody found out he had MND after noticing some weakness in his shoulder area while exercising in the gym.
After rehabilitation failed to improve the issue, a set of scans showed neural pathways in his brain and spinal cord had been compromised by MND.
"You're given this medical finding of MND and we're appropriately quite affected about it, but it's so strange because I think everything is fine," he continued.
"I don't sense ill. I don't feel unwell
"My symptoms are very minor. I have a bit of muscle wasting in the fingers and the shoulder.
"I'm still competent to performing all activities. And hopefully that will carry on for as long as is possible."
Disease Development
MND can develop quickly.
According to the charity MND Association, the condition kills a third of people within a twelve months and more than half within 24 months of diagnosis, as swallowing and respiration become more difficult.
Therapy can only delay worsening.
"It's not me that I am upset for," commented an moved Moody.
"It's the grief around having to break the news to my mum - as an sole offspring - and the implications that has for her."
Personal Effect
Conversing from the family home with his wife and their pet dog by his side, Moody was overcome with emotion when he mentioned informing his sons - 17-year-old Dylan and 15-year-old Ethan - the devastating news, commenting: "It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
"These are two excellent boys and that was rather upsetting," Moody remarked.
"We were seated on the sofa in tears, Ethan and Dylan both embraced in each other, then the dog jumped over and commenced removing the drops off our faces, which was rather amusing."
Moody explained the priority was remaining in the now.
"We have no cure and that is why you have to be so strongly directed on just welcoming and enjoying each moment now," he said.
"According to Annie, we've been very lucky that the only real determination I made when I left playing was to spend as much duration with the kids as possible. We don't get those times back."
Sportsman Link
Top-level competitors are unevenly affected by MND, with studies indicating the rate of the illness is up to sixfold greater than in the broader public.
It is believed that by restricting the oxygen obtainable and causing harm to motor neurone cells, regular, strenuous exercise can initiate the illness in those already vulnerable.
Sports Playing Days
Moody, who gained 71 England selections and competed with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was called 'Mad Dog' during his sports career, in recognition of his fearless, relentless approach to the game.
He competed through a bone injury of his leg for a duration with Leicester and once sparked a training-ground scuffle with fellow player and friend Martin Johnson when, frustrated, he left a training equipment and started participating in collisions.
After entering as a substitute in the Rugby World Cup decisive match win over Australia in 2003, he claimed a ball at the rear of the set piece in the critical passage of play, setting a base for half-back Matt Dawson to snipe and Jonny Wilkinson to kick the victory-securing drop kick.
Backing System
Moody has already notified Johnson, who captained England to that championship, and a few other previous team-mates about his medical situation, but the others will be discovering his news with the broader public.
"We'll have a time when we'll need to rely on their support but, at the minute, just having that sort of care and acknowledgment that people are present is what's important," he stated.
"Rugby is such a excellent group.
"I told to the kids the other day, I've had an incredible life.
"Even should it finished now, I've enjoyed all of it and embraced all of it and got to do it with exceptional people.
"Being able to consider your love your profession, it's one of the most significant privileges.
"Having accomplished it for so considerable a time with the squads that I did it with was a joy. And I am aware they will wish to assist in whatever way they can and I await having those discussions."
